My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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