we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
