then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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