oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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