1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
