2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
