I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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