you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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