I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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