someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
