does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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