I could have mohawked her pubes.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
