The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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