I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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