Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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