Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
