Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
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