i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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