she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
