Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
