Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
