i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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