Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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