God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
3 2 1 whiskey
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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