some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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