I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
