I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
