i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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