you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Also, beer. Big fan.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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