I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
