Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(310): View more from California

I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.

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(718): View more from New York

i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.

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(803): View more from South Carolina

I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.

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(336): View more from North Carolina

I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!

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(973): View more from New Jersey

can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters

(973): View more from New Jersey

i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet

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(905): View more from Ontario

Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.

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(360): View more from Washington

I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.

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(516): View more from New York

I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this

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