soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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