update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
