I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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