So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
