If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
