Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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