You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
