Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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