So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
