woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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