he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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