life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You ate ashes out of my bong
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
