do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I just blew my weed a kiss
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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