I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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