nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
40s are totally the cure
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
