some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
