Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I've blown a few things in my day
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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