Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Randomize
