My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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