Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Randomize
