very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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