You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
