I think I died a long time ago.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
