I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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