If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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