first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
